Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
