So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
