Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
