You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
