A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
