She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just invented taco cereal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
