He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
