i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
