his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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