you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
