i just made my gag reflex go away.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
