my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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