Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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