Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
