I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
