i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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