had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i need some magic done to my vagina
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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