Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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