I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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