I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
