so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
