ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
