i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize