I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
