i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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