So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
