pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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