You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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