you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
