I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
