Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
