so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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