someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
