Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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