I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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