I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
