You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to stop coming to work sober
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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