i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
