I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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