Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
