idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
