He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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