i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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