his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
