Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
