thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
