At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize