I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
