Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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