it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
