the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
