There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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