i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
