he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
