beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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