last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
