Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
