the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
