Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
