I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
