Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize