This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
