it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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