my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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