playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
