i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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