I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
