The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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