is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
