9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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