hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
