I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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