so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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