It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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