Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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