Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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