Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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