This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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