Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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