Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
