Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
