am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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