Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
