Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
