I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
