My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
