you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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