He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize