nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
