I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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