true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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