We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
