an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
soo... how was my night?
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